Poem: Leave

The sun is starting to set.

The day is almost done, and I am still where I was when it came up.

I cannot move, my feet are glued to the floor.

I keep watching people walk by.

They waive and say hello, but I cannot not speak back.

They must think that I am a fool.

The truth is I am.

I do not like it here, but something is making me stay.

I miss my people. I miss us.

I need to get up and move, but life is too cruel to let me.

This is not where I belong, and I know this is not where you would want me.

I remember there was a time that I knew what I wanted.

That change on the rainy summer day, that happens once in a blue moon.

The trees no longer grow, the flowers that you planted no longer bloom.

I have no soul.

Why can I not leave?

I know you want come back, but every day I sit and wait that you will come back.

That is why I cannot move.

I may look like a fool, but when I see you everything will be cool.

Maybe tomorrow I will move.

Giving thanks

I was having a conversation with someone recently, and they said something about giving thanks. That for some reason really hit me. I learned that I do not give, or think people as much as I should. I used to think that I did, but when I dug deep down I realize that I was letting my pride get in the way, which is a terrible thing. I do not know why I let this happens, but it is something that I need to change.

I must say pride is a deadly thing. When I say give thanks I mean to god. I am talking about whatever god that you believe in you must give thinks. If I am being honest, recently there have been countless times in which I was ashamed, or not sure what to believe anymore. I kept thinking why is this happening to me, is this what life is about. I can even say that this was a few weeks ago.

Then I realize that I need to stop doing what I am doing, and start giving thanks, and to listen. I have been trying to go for something for so long, but I realize that I lost track of what I was going for. I was not appreciating the things that I had. I have to make a change. I’m not saying that this will happen over night, but I got start somewhere. I am going to simply end this by saying thank you. Even if sometimes it seems as if I do not care. I do, but thank you for listening, and most importantly thank you for understanding.

Sometimes you have to wait

I could never picture myself saying these worlds, but after these last couple of days I have learn that everything does happens for a reason, and it something that I need to get use to. The one thing that I have learned is that there is a lot of love and hope out in the world, and you have to be willing to go get it. It will not be east, but it sure as hell will be worth it. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but it will happen as long as you believe that it will.

Something that I am going to do is start putting something that made me look at things from a different point of view. I’m not going to lie it took me about three hours to write this. I do not know why. I just feel like I am obligate to do, but I just don’t know what to say. I wanted it to be about hope and waiting for something is sometimes worth it, but I got distracted and just do not know what to say. Hopefully I will tomorrow.

Here is one of my favorite songs I have been listing to the last couple of days.

Free to be

How do you know when you are ready? Ready to move, to go, to travel, to love, or even to live. Its not something that comes to you automatically. It is something that you have to constantly work on and way the decisions whether they are good or bad. At least, that is what I do. I am trying to figure out way to make things easier to decided. It always seems as if I take the long way around. Now that is August I feel a little more anxious than normal. I do not know what it is, but I am feeling as if something is not right. This happens all the time to me, but this time is different.

I am also writing more my topics are not always good, but I am trying that is at least a start. I don’t really have much to say so this is just something simple. Topics are not easy.

Everything I want but not everything I want

Recently I was presented with a new opportunity for something that I have been wanting for so long, and just like last time I am terrified to take it. This time though I actually have the door open, and all I have to do is walk through the door, but that for some reason is hard to do. This happens to me almost every time, but this time I am farther along then I normally am. I honestly do not know why I am like this, it is as if I do not believe in myself as I should.

As I was stating in my last post that I started writing my first screenplay, but I have not written anything for it in the last two weeks. Life has been going yet, I am doubting weather or not that I actually can do. I think it is because I have gotten so used to rejection that I do not know how to take acceptance.

I really do not know what to do, but hopefully I will figure it out soon.