Poem: The Den

It holds everything, but not everything.

The secret conversation in the dark, the heart ache of two lovers drifting apart.

This place was special, yet I barely can remember what it looks like.

I just remember the things that happen there.

The way it made us feel as stood on its grounds.

It was not a home; it was just a room.

The room where the family would meet, the room where they would part.

It could not hold heat or air, yet it was full of it year-round.

It was not always there; it was something added on as the family started to grow.

It was the bed for some of us, it was the dance rehearsals for most.

The place that gave us hope, but also showed us everything is temporary.

It gave us grief, over the dead.

It saw us cry as we try to heal the broken parts of our body not could not quite heal.

It brought us to together as it was slowing tearing us apart.

This was not just a room; this was our room.

This was the den.

Poem: Pieces

My tears are dry.

My heart is broken, but my love is strong.

I need you around, but I need to move on.

To what I am not sure.

We fight so hard, yet we cannot love any more.

I used to think that I needed you, but true is I do not.

I want you, but I do not think that you want me.

You used to love me, at least that is what I think.

We need to have a conversation where we can talk face to face.

This will help me, but I know it is not what you want.

My heart is full of pieces, and they all belong to you.

They need to be put together, but that is something I cannot do.

I wish I could live in your eyes, and you live in my heart.

I know I hurt you and it was supposed to be for better or worse.

It never said when then line was to be cross.

I guess it is just broken for us to be.

Now I must put my pieces tighter on my own.

Poem: Can We Talk?

Hello can we talk?

There is so much I want to say and do.

Right now, all I can do is just feel.

Can you do that with me.

Let us just be one in the moment.

You do not have to speak.

I feel the earth moving, my heart beating, and breaking.

I never though this day would come.

A time where we could just be, and nothing else.

Our love is growing, yet I feel it is separating.

That is why I am glad that we are here now.

We are face to face.

This is a moment that I never knew could be.

I need to say something, but words no longer exist.

I am asking you can you feel my heart.

Can you feel my love, my hurt and my wanting for more?

That is all I can say right now.

That is all that needs to be done.

We have, yesterday, and we I hope we can have tomorrow.

If we cannot talk today, we have the rest of our live to get the words out.

They may not be pretty; they may not be kind.

The truth of the matter they may not be filled with love.

The one thing for sure they will be heard.

So, I ask again can we talk?

Poem: Search

Where have you been?

I have search for you for the last couple of years.

I looked and looked but noting came.

Then one day I stop, and you appeared.

My heart started to open that day.

It was not easy, it was torture.

Pain is a beautiful thing when the result is meaningful.

You are my pain, and I am yours.

That is why we can no longer look at each other.

We do hurt well, and over time it no longer hurts.

You will always be my rock, and the one I will give my heart to.

My heart just can no longer break.

The pieces are shattered.

It is time to look again.

This time I am looking to go.

I found the one that was for me.

You fixed the whole that was my heart.

It just broke the part that was put together.

Now we just must go search for the best.

We just cannot be one.

Working

This week I have done some thinking about my life now, and what is next for me. I do not have the answer and I do not know when that will come or if it will come. I have a lot of self-doubt about myself and if I have the strength to get it done anything really. Most important do I have the mental strength to fight to be happy. Do not get me wrong I am mentally strong, but sometimes it gets hard to just hang you head out there to dry, and to fail.

Something about me people do not know is that I am not good with confrontation and criticism. Failure is a way for you to learn, and you can only grow from what you do not know.

I appreciate the criticism, but it gets hard to hear how bad you are at something. You can think that you are doing good then, that one person says something to you and that is all you can think about.  

That is just something that I need to work on, I try to, but it is hard. That is just a part of life, I guess. Another thing I forgot to say is that I am not writing as much as I did last year. This year I feel as if something is missing, and I just do not know what that is. I have the ideas, but I just cannot seem to find the words. I think I need a writing partner, but I do not know.