Poem: A Tail

The train keeps coming, but nobody is moving.

I see the road, but I cannot pass it.

The end is near, but the thought of it hurts to be seen.

Love is river that I never like sailing.

This is all me, but nothing is worth caring.

I do not know how I am me.

This is a test, that I am willing to fail.

The act of trying is not worth the hurt of passing.

Tomorrow we will see if the bridge is full.

The rain is coming, but the storm has pass.

This is a tail of you and me.

Poem: New Me

There are no more tears to cry.

The burden that held me down is no more.

Suddenly now I can see the sky through the clouds.

I can hear the singing of the birds.

I can see me.

The pain of going has changed to the joy of what is new.

This is the now the old is no more.

The worry about not being seen to not caring who is seeing.

What was hurting me healed me when I walked away.

That life is gone.

I feel no shame.

I came to the wind and ask for directions.

It sent me here to place that has no name.

The place that was never a dream.

The place that will carry me.

I can be calm as the storm.

I can stand tall as the mighty trees.

I can just for once be me.

Poem: You + ME

The time to stop worrying is now.

The disease to heal what is wrong is now right.

The thrill to live has turn into the desire to die.

The love that was once real has turn to be fake.

The thought of being with you is no longer appetizing.

The way we were is not what it is.

The look of your eyes is the stare that leads to death.

The month we met was the day our souls lied.

The day the earth stops turning will be the day I never regret.

The day left I cried, and I cannot lie.

The things that I miss the most are the things I no longer desire.

That is why I am happy to be free.

That is also why I still dream of the days of you and me.

The thought of has shown me that it cannot be.

The end is here so it is time for me to be fly.

Still trying to get happy

Today was interesting. That is best thing I can say now, but it was not all good. The last couple of months a lot has change for me. I quit my job at the end of April, without a backup plan. It was one of the scariest things that I have done, but it was also freeing. I had attempted to leave it last year, but then covid happen and I stayed. That turned out to be the best thing for me at that time. I learn so much and I glad I stayed.

Having that job was complicated to me, and I am still trying to process everything that went along with it. That was the very first job that I had. I worked my way up from the bottom to the top. I started out as a crew member then I became manager. That was something that I never thought would happen with me, and I am grateful that it did in some ways. I do not want to fully talk about that now there is still a lot for me to process with that job.

One thing that I did learn when I finally got the strength to trust my gut and trust me and walk away it was nice. It showed me what I wanted out of life and what I would no longer would accept. I just want to be happy and if that means being broke and having nothing then I am fine with that.

My end goal for the rest of my life is to just be happy, and not do anything that makes you regret any and everything with you. Now on from this moment I am going to focus on getting myself happy. I do not know what that will be, but I sure do know what it is not. That is my advice to you, make sure whatever you are doing that is making you happy. No matter what it is if you are not happy then what is the point.

Poem: Finding Me

My mind is open, but it is not free.

My heart is broken, but it is not shattered.

My love is real, but no longer here.

My strength is weaking, but my soul is on fire.

My anger is real, but my hatred is gone.

My doubt is selfless, but my giving will never change.

I have tried all that I can to be me, but me is no longer working.

I do not know any other to be, but I know me is just not enough.

I thought I was going to be whole by now, but I am just as broken as ever.

Will my life ever change, will my love ever stop being ignored.

The answers are not giving at the best, but the rest is what we need.

I cannot give an answer to the you, but can you give one to me.

Is what I am doing in vain, but just my pain.

I could just be too open and broken to know, but I have to find the reason for being.