Poem: Leave

The sun is starting to set.

The day is almost done, and I am still where I was when it came up.

I cannot move, my feet are glued to the floor.

I keep watching people walk by.

They waive and say hello, but I cannot not speak back.

They must think that I am a fool.

The truth is I am.

I do not like it here, but something is making me stay.

I miss my people. I miss us.

I need to get up and move, but life is too cruel to let me.

This is not where I belong, and I know this is not where you would want me.

I remember there was a time that I knew what I wanted.

That change on the rainy summer day, that happens once in a blue moon.

The trees no longer grow, the flowers that you planted no longer bloom.

I have no soul.

Why can I not leave?

I know you want come back, but every day I sit and wait that you will come back.

That is why I cannot move.

I may look like a fool, but when I see you everything will be cool.

Maybe tomorrow I will move.

Giving thanks

I was having a conversation with someone recently, and they said something about giving thanks. That for some reason really hit me. I learned that I do not give, or think people as much as I should. I used to think that I did, but when I dug deep down I realize that I was letting my pride get in the way, which is a terrible thing. I do not know why I let this happens, but it is something that I need to change.

I must say pride is a deadly thing. When I say give thanks I mean to god. I am talking about whatever god that you believe in you must give thinks. If I am being honest, recently there have been countless times in which I was ashamed, or not sure what to believe anymore. I kept thinking why is this happening to me, is this what life is about. I can even say that this was a few weeks ago.

Then I realize that I need to stop doing what I am doing, and start giving thanks, and to listen. I have been trying to go for something for so long, but I realize that I lost track of what I was going for. I was not appreciating the things that I had. I have to make a change. I’m not saying that this will happen over night, but I got start somewhere. I am going to simply end this by saying thank you. Even if sometimes it seems as if I do not care. I do, but thank you for listening, and most importantly thank you for understanding.

How Much?

Well since my last post, I feel as if things have not gotten better, but worse. I know that is hard to say, but lately I am starting to feeling what is actually good enough? I do not know, the only thing that i keep coming back to is that I am not good enough. I know that is something that I should not say, but as time goes on it starts ringing true. As I get older I am starting to become more aware of my surroundings, and the people that are always there. I am starting to realize, this could not be true, but then again more and more do not care. They only say they do to cover for themselves, but if you look deep down you just can feel it. That is all around from friends to family.

The question that I have when will I be able to feel as if they do, or better do they even care? I am a quiet person I do not like to ask for help on anything. I just like to do it on my own. The last few months have been rough and I am trying by best to hang on, but how much is too much.

Lost

These last few have been a little crazy for me. I have been trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. Lately I feel that I let things slip away, and I am not sure that was smart. I have also been sick. I just have a cold it is nothing to worry about. I have just been lost the last couple of weeks. I keep saying that I want things to change, but I am always holding back. I am saying one thing and doing another. I do not know how to move forward.

This is a weird time for everyone right now, and I know there are more than to worry about at the moment, but it seems as if nothing is going right for me. This is how a lot of people are feeling at the moment. I am no different then them. I’m just saying things come and go, but you have to be willing to deal with it. I believe that better days are coming for me, but right now I am not sure. You just got to believe.

Poem: Perspective

Another day in which I look to you

Not for advice ,

Not for love,

But for perspective

To grow, to love, and to be happy

Then I look at me,

All I see is

The Pain, the sorrow, and the sadness

I do not have the blues,

I have the uncertain of today

And the worries of tomorrow.

Then when I look back at you

I see the joy for today

And the hope for tomorrow

Two people in same world

Looking at life with two different perspective

Chasing the dream , the hope, the joy, and the worry of tomorrow.