This week I have done some thinking about my life now, and what is next for me. I do not have the answer and I do not know when that will come or if it will come. I have a lot of self-doubt about myself and if I have the strength to get it done anything really. Most important do I have the mental strength to fight to be happy. Do not get me wrong I am mentally strong, but sometimes it gets hard to just hang you head out there to dry, and to fail.

Something about me people do not know is that I am not good with confrontation and criticism. Failure is a way for you to learn, and you can only grow from what you do not know.

I appreciate the criticism, but it gets hard to hear how bad you are at something. You can think that you are doing good then, that one person says something to you and that is all you can think about.  

That is just something that I need to work on, I try to, but it is hard. That is just a part of life, I guess. Another thing I forgot to say is that I am not writing as much as I did last year. This year I feel as if something is missing, and I just do not know what that is. I have the ideas, but I just cannot seem to find the words. I think I need a writing partner, but I do not know.

Poem: Run

The story of us, is one that we do not need.

It is one that we must see.

The healing of letting it go is for the best, but deep down we know it might be the worst.

The fight was hard, but we knew that from the start.

You walked towards me and I ran from you.

You beg me to stay, and I beg you to go.

Then you stayed and I stayed.

One day it was good, then running started again.

Suddenly, the table were turned, and I do not remember why.

It flipped so fast, that my breath never caught the air.

The door was open, and you did not run like me you did you walk.

You walk so I could see and know what was happening.

You left me in the light, you wanted me to see you leave.

The dark would have been to kind.

You knew that was my friend.

I could not ask you why, I just look at the dust settling where you once were.

The thing I ran from, become the thing I wanted to run to.

This time I could not run.

My legs did not move, my heart could not beat.

The story I wanted to see, became the one that needed not telling.

Poem: Go Forward

The time is now.

There is no tomorrow, and yesterday is gone.

This is your time.

Do not be afraid, what could go wrong.

Everything could go wrong.

That is the beauty of life.

You never know what will happen, but you live for the unknown.

People have always told you no, and this time you are telling yourself yes.

There is so much more you can do, but you fear everything.

Now you are about to walk through that door.

Hold your head high and go forward.

It may not be where you want to land, but jump.

Just remember that tomorrow is a new day.

Poem: Love

Love, have we ever met?

I do not think so.

I have always thought that love comes with pain and pain is love.

I am constantly let down every time I see you.

This time something is different.

There is no pain but joy.

I never want to be apart.  

Even better what we are when we are together.

The spark comes alive, but when you are gone, sometime so am I.

I started to that there was no you without me.

If you are gone, where will I go.

That is something I do not want to know the answer.

Pain and I were best friends at one point.

No matter where I was it was there.

It had become my greatest love.

Then you walk in, and I never thought this could be.

Where was the hurt, the angry, the wanting this to end?

It did not happen.

I wonder what this is.

Could this be it?

I started to think is this love.

Is this all I want and more?

The answer was yes.

Poem: Stay

Please do not open that door.

If you open it, I know that one day you might never walk through it again.

Stay with me, please do not leave me.

I know I am not the best person in the world, but with you I am my best.

We have been through a lot, and sometimes it has been rough.

You can even blame me.

The world has taught us so much together, that I am afraid of what it would teach us if we were apart.

Stay here and lay next to me and try to love me once again.

You are my rock, and I promise never to let you go.

I know this place is not where you want to be, but it is needed.

Maybe not for you, but one day it could be for us.

This place sucks your joy, and every time you walk out that door,

I think that you might never come back.

I know that you do not want, but every time you do, I cry one less tear.

I know you want to leave, and trust me so do I.

This is not where I want to be.

I had dreams of traveling the world, and let the stars guide my way.

Then this came, and that came, and finally you came.

That was the one of the best days for me.

I would like to think it was for you too.

I know it is hurting for you to be here, but I am asking you not to go.

Would you please stay, and love me or at least try too?

This is not a place you want to be, and I know your future will be bright, with or without me.

This is not the place for me neither.

I would love for it to be with me.

Do not go, do not open that door.

Stay here with me.

So please, would you stay?