Going Back

Today I have done a ton of thinking about life and where I see myself going in the next 2-5 years. To be honest I have been thinking about the next 6 months to a year. I know I have said that I want to write a movie, which I did do last year, but I think I might one to dip my toe back into journalism for bit.

I know it has been almost 10 years since I last wrote a piece, but I think about 5-6 years ago I did a video project about the difference between sexual harassment and flirting. This was about a year before the “Me Too” movement started. My teachers did not like it, but I thought it was good.

I may post it one day I am not sure, but the quality is not good. I am writing this to say it is never to go back to something that you loved first and try it again. It may not be the same, but the love you once had for it may still be there. Life is not long it is short so do not waste your time hoping for better day you have to go out there and get it.

This is a story I wrote years ago.

Poem: Still stuck

Today I cried and the tears never dried.

This is not where I need to be.

The wind has led me to the wrong way.

I did not listen to my soul.

Now I am in a hole that I cannot get out of.

Can I climb out, our is this quicksand will it only make me stay.

Time can no longer tell; the clock has already struck 12.

What else can I do there is nowhere to go.

I miss this train no I am still here once again.

When I wake up what will it be.

Tomorrow is not a new day.

It just a replay of yesterday.

Still trying to get happy

Today was interesting. That is best thing I can say now, but it was not all good. The last couple of months a lot has change for me. I quit my job at the end of April, without a backup plan. It was one of the scariest things that I have done, but it was also freeing. I had attempted to leave it last year, but then covid happen and I stayed. That turned out to be the best thing for me at that time. I learn so much and I glad I stayed.

Having that job was complicated to me, and I am still trying to process everything that went along with it. That was the very first job that I had. I worked my way up from the bottom to the top. I started out as a crew member then I became manager. That was something that I never thought would happen with me, and I am grateful that it did in some ways. I do not want to fully talk about that now there is still a lot for me to process with that job.

One thing that I did learn when I finally got the strength to trust my gut and trust me and walk away it was nice. It showed me what I wanted out of life and what I would no longer would accept. I just want to be happy and if that means being broke and having nothing then I am fine with that.

My end goal for the rest of my life is to just be happy, and not do anything that makes you regret any and everything with you. Now on from this moment I am going to focus on getting myself happy. I do not know what that will be, but I sure do know what it is not. That is my advice to you, make sure whatever you are doing that is making you happy. No matter what it is if you are not happy then what is the point.

Podcast: Reveal PRX American Rehab

I just got done listen to a new sort of podcast. I mean it is spin off from a podcast I listen to on occasion. This podcast is call Reveal PRX American Rehab, it is a deep dive into an episode they did on Reveal, that episode was the American rehab system. I must say I was not expecting everything that I learned, this show open my eyes to the rehab systems in America. There is so much that I cannot explain it here.

The podcast start talking about work-based rehab, and how did they get started. They also go into detail about how these types of rehabs have spread throughout the country over the years. They are on a search to see if this is legal. There is so many twists and turns which makes for a great podcast. There are only nine episodes, and they are not that long. It is great drive and listen podcast.

Poem: The Final Goodbye

If I were to drop dead right now, would you miss me?

I would not.

What is there to miss.

You do not like me now, and most importantly I do not like me.

I have no love, and I have none to give.

My time is not valuable, and lately I have not been feeling worthy.

I think it is best for me to go.

Do not cry.

It is not like you were going to do it anyway.

I will not be there to help you wipe them up.

Those tears would not be for me.

They would be for things you need from me.

It is my time to go, so please let me.

My heart is no longer beating, and I do not have the strength to keep this up.

This is it!

The final goodbye.

Where I will go, no one knows.

Just know this house is no longer my home.