Drowning in pain, and not knowing where to go.
Soaking in the dirt without any love.
Trying to go on, but the pain is keeping you still.
Will you get up or will you stay?
The mind and the heart do not agree.
Sick is the word that you refuse to say.
Not being able to move is becoming unbearable.
Yet you still have a smile on your face, as if there is nothing wrong.
You are convincing that this is not real.
This is a fantasy that only lives in the dreams of real.
Nobody sees the struggle; nobody sees the pain.
They only see you which is all you wanted.
My tears are dry.
My heart is broken, but my love is strong.
I need you around, but I need to move on.
To what I am not sure.
We fight so hard, yet we cannot love any more.
I used to think that I needed you, but true is I do not.
I want you, but I do not think that you want me.
You used to love me, at least that is what I think.
We need to have a conversation where we can talk face to face.
This will help me, but I know it is not what you want.
My heart is full of pieces, and they all belong to you.
They need to be put together, but that is something I cannot do.
I wish I could live in your eyes, and you live in my heart.
I know I hurt you and it was supposed to be for better or worse.
It never said when then line was to be cross.
I guess it is just broken for us to be.
Now I must put my pieces tighter on my own.
Another week and more thinking that I have been doing, or at least trying to do. There is so much going on and nothing going on at the same time, that I do not know what is going on sometimes. I have no room to complain. Has anyone made decision and thought about was it the right one? That is what I am going through right now. I must make a choice and I think I made one, but I am not sure it is correct.
The choice I made is something I do not want to make, but it is one that is needed now. I do not think that I am ready for what is about to happen, and I am scared to find out the outcome. I like to play it safe, but I know I must make a tough choice if I want to succeed in life. Only time will tell, I guess.
This last month I have spent a lot time working, writing and reflecting. I needed time to figure out the person who I was, the person I was becoming, and the person I wanted to become. I am still working on the last one, but I have learnt a lot about myself. The biggest thing that I learn was that if it was something that I want I cannot sit down, and hope it come. I need to go out, and get it time waits for no one, and I feel as if I am running out of it.
Life there is no guarantee that you will be here tomorrow so you have to take chances and go after it. For years I have let others say what I need to do, and even though deep down I know it was not right thing for me, that is simply unacceptable anymore. I know what I want and I have to go get. Something else I learnt is that you have to meet people where they are. That takes a lot for someone to do, because you are letting you self down by making yourself less than you are worth. You can only meet them there for so long, and after a while you have to meet them there and then leave them there, because you can only come there for so long.
Something positive is that I can finally say that I am working on a script, is it perfect no but this is something that I want and I am doing it for me. The moral of the story is do what is best for you that’s it.