Poem: No longer here

I sit and look at the water and I see no reflection.

The stars that used to make it shine has lost their glow.

The hurt of the wind no longer bothers them.

Then as the chill of the afternoon brings fright.

I am reminded of the nights that never seemed right.

Then as I looked at my clock the time is no longer there.

I started to wonder am I even here.

The thought of being gone, did not chilled my mind.

It gave me relived that my time is done.

I may never hear the words the river spoke to the trees.

Here the rain barking at the wind.

I may never be able to see your smile.

Most importantly I may never be able to say I love you.

Fun and done

What is it like to have fun? I honestly do not know if I must say so. The last time that I actually had fun would have to be almost three years ago. This is year has been really hard in more ways than one, and everyday it seems to get harder. There seems as if the end is no where in site. I just want to have a day where I am just chilling with my family like we used to, but I learned that it will never happen like that again.

When I go home it just does not feel the same. The vibe is just completely different. Nothing feels the same. It starts with people, then the environment. There is always places that I used to go to that I cannot go to anymore, for either it is not there, or the person is dead. I just wish everything can go back to normal. The one thing I learn about life is nothing will ever be normal as we get older that is apart of life. That is the sacrifice we all have to learn to make.

Another thing tennis is back!!!!! I cannot wait.

The unthinkable

Today I did something I never though that I would do. I walked away; though this was not by choice, I finally had enough strength to put myself first.  This was not something that was done lightly this is something that I have though about for the last couple of months, but to be honest I had to do it. There are some life changes that are about o happen and I have to make some tough decisions. Will these decisions hurt people? Yes, but I have to do what I have.

This moment I was brave, not by choice, but by force. I am at a point in life where I can no longer be scared. I have to do what is best for me, and my well being. Do i know what will happen tomorrow? No, but am I afraid 100% yes. I am not sure what exactly I am going to do next. This is the beauty about life you never know what the next day will hold, but you can make it one that you will be proud of.

You have to learn how to believe in yourself, because if you don’t you can’t expect someone else to believe in you. The next couple of days will test you from your faith to your will to survive. This is challenge that I am willing to take, but the result is one I am uncertain of.

Poem: Love gone

Why don’t you love me? I never understood why Because you are dead inside

Every day I try and try

The answer never seems to come

Why don’t you love me?

I tried to find the light in you

But you always end up bringing out the dark in me

Because you are dead inside.

Your voice is no longer my joy

Yet I need to hear it to keep breathing

Why don’t you love me?

Yesterday was good

One morning when I awake

And see that you are not there

I will stop asking why you don’t love me.

I will remember that you are no longer here to answer because you were gone all alone.