Not Wanted

This is going to be a little different what I normally would do, not totally different. Lately I have been getting a lot of yes’s, but I also have been getting a lot of no’s. The sad part about this is that I am getting used to it that it does not bother me anymore, it pretty much just roll off my shoulder. I do not think that is a good thing to feel it makes you think that you are not good enough and that you are settle. This is something that I am trying to figure out why am I my own worst critic.

To say that I am my own worst critic is an understatement. I tend to think that everything that I ma doing is either wrong, or not worth me putting forth the effort at all. It always seem as if it is not worth my time. That is another conversation for another day. I know I keep saying that, but trust me when I do tell the story you will not believe everything that I am saying.

The purpose of  this post to tell was to talk about rejection and not feeling wanted or that you will ever be more than what you are now, but I am not sure how to say those words or to tell he story at all. A dream or goal you should say of mine is to be some sort or writer, which should be kinda obvious, but the passion that I should have for that has slowly gone back down again, and I am starting to feeling as if that will never happen for me. The consent rejection that I am getting from other, and to be frank from myself is making me feel as if where I am is where I will always be.

Rejection is a part of life, but at what point should a person get use to, and should they ever get use to it. That is complicated to say, but why is that we get use to rejection, but not use to congratulations especially from ourselves. We are our own worst enemies, yet we tend to like that more than we like being told that we are doing good. The rejection that I been having for that last couple of years I would have to admit is something that I have done to myself. Instead of me going to change the reason I got the rejection I just let it soak in and I use to hold on to for weeks at a time. Now I just roll off my back like water, and somehow that id fine to me? That is something that should not be fine at all. It should be motivation to go and do better, but I cannot.

When it come to good news, or something that could in turn be good news I brings me down so much more that a rejection could ever do. That is something that I have to be better at. I need to learn to lift myself up more, but that remains to be seen, by the end of this week I will maybe get another rejection and I will feel nothing.