Poem: Terrified

I am terrified to stay

I am terrified to go

I am terrified to walk

I am terrified to run

I am terrified when you lose

I am terrified that you won

I am terrified that I have to wait another day

I am terrified that your day has come

I am terrified that life is here and love is gone

I am terrified that you and I will never be one


The last couple of days have been a lot of self though and figure out worth. That could mean a lot of things for people. I was trying to figure out what I was doing, and is it worth every thing that has been going on in my mind, and trying to care. There are times where we tend to care more about others than we do for ourselves. That is a dangerous situation to be in, the ending is never good.

I have learn over the years that I do not know how to care for myself that well. When I say care I mean my mind and soul. I do not care for them well. I tend to think that over time they will be okay, but in reality you have nurture them because over time they will start to deteriorate. Your mind and spirit are like any muscle that you want to get better. You have to work on in constantly, but don’t go overboard with it. Growing up I remember always hearing that a mind is a terrible thing to waste. That is true,  you have to take care of it.

I have always said life is not easy, and if it was easy it won’t be worth living. There will come times where you will think that you do not have the strength to do it, no matter what it is, but you have to push through it no matter what. It will be hard, but you have to look at the bigger picture. You think that you have to do this and that, but deep down you know that something is not right, that is you mind telling you to stop and listen to me. I am trying to tell you something.

You have to take care of yourself, and cannot let a job, friend, or thing ruin your peace of mind. You are know good for anybody if you are not good to yourself first. Learn how to love yourself, how to treat yourself, and most important how to care of yourself.

Poem: Today I will die

Today I will die

I do not feel sad

Nor do I feel worried.

My emotions are gone

It has been too long

This day has been coming for awhile

Yet I am still unprepared

Today I will die

I don’t know what will happen

And I do not care

I just know that I will not be here tomorrow

My sun has risen

And now it is time for it to set

Today I will die

I used to love the light

But the dark has always called my name

I was always within its sight

I never tried to steal your light

There is not a day I don’t regret being you shade

Today I will die

I am trying not to cry

Not for me and my well being

But for you for I know it has come too soon

And you feel alone and blue

Today I will die

So please don’t cry

Heaven has waited long enough

Or is it hell that is pulling me

Remember the night that the moon smiled back

The day the sun made us sleep

Remember me for the way we became

And not the way I left

Today I will die

I am going to the other side

Is it bright like you

Or dark like me

Just remember we will see each other eventually

For you are leaving with me



Poem: Love gone

Why don’t you love me? I never understood why Because you are dead inside

Every day I try and try

The answer never seems to come

Why don’t you love me?

I tried to find the light in you

But you always end up bringing out the dark in me

Because you are dead inside.

Your voice is no longer my joy

Yet I need to hear it to keep breathing

Why don’t you love me?

Yesterday was good

One morning when I awake

And see that you are not there

I will stop asking why you don’t love me.

I will remember that you are no longer here to answer because you were gone all alone.



Past and not Present

How many people can say that they find themselves living in the past when they should be living in the present? I can honestly say that I find myself doing this a lot recently. I don’t why, but the past just seems so much better than the present at the moment. You get so used to things going a certain way that lately they have not been going the way in which I wish they would go.

I have learn that living in the past all time will make having a future hard to come by, or close to. As i have learn and said lately life is too short, and you have to learn to go for what you want, and be willing to fail. I think the best thing that can happen to someone is to fail. It may seem strange to say, but without failure how can you grow and change things that you don’t need to change. I know there are a bunch of things that I need to change, but the question is do I have the ability to change them.

That was not something I should have said. We all have the ability to change things that about ourselves, but the real questions is do we deep down want to change them. If there is something about yourself that you know needs to change, then you need to have the will power to do. Life is short as we all know, but you need to make sure that you are living to the best of your ability, and not in the past but the present.

I cannot say that within the next few weeks that I am going to be living in the present more, but I am sure is going to stop living in past I have so much more to look forward to.