New Challange

Today is the first day of a new journey that I am taking. I recently just hired my first coach to help me get back into shape. I have had personal trainers before, but they were all in person. This one is online, and we communicate daily. This is a new journey for me, and I happy that I get a chance to do it. I must commit to no matter what.

I must say that about 10-12 years ago I was nearly 300 pounds, now I am about 180, but I am trying to just lose some body fat and tone my body. I remember when I started my weight loss journey years ago, I did not know what I was doing. I was just trying to get in shape. I must say that I did a pretty good job by myself. I did not like the person that was looking back at me when I would look in the mirror. I have come a long way, but I think it tis time to make a change and keep it. I want to feel good for my birthday next year. That is my main goal.

I want to try write a weekly update on my progress and keep my self accountable. It will be hard, but I love a good challenge. This challenge is one that I want to keep, unlike the last one which I let slip away. This will not be pretty, but today I woke up with a new purpose for life and to just get going. Tomorrow is not promise. Let’s see how this goes.

Poem: I Wish

The day you left I cried .

The day you came back I wish you had died.

You were my reasoning,

Then you became my being.

It seems as if we were one,

Then you went away,

And I became me.

Our souls are forever attached,

Yet my heart breaks every time I see your face.

I love you so,

But right now, I wish you would go.

I just do not know.

Even though you need me more,

Sometimes I wish you that you do not need me anymore.

This is wrong to say

Because I love so.

Just like the sun the needs the sky,

And the clouds need the rain.

We will forever be one,

But I really wish you would go.  

Poem: Heart

This is something that I never could imagine

A sense that I never knew I had.

An emotion that I never knew how to show.

I will never forget that day

When it all came to me as once,

But I am always trying to forget the day

It all came down like the Niagara Falls.

It went just as soon as it came.

It was all my fault, yet I almost blame you.

Was it something that I said,

Or was it my actions towards the unknown.

All I can say is that I was wrong.

You held me when I was down, even though you were down.

I was evil,

Yet you were kind.

I was need,

And you gave me your heart.

One day I hope to right this wrong,

And have you back in our home.

Deep down I know it cannot be.

There was an angel needed, and you were the one to answer that call.

Now I just wait and prey, hoping that feel me giving my heart to you.

What to

So I know it has been awhile since I been on here, but I have been doing a lot of thinking, and trying to figure everything out. To be honest I am more confuse then ever. I know everything that I want, but every time that I think that I am close I get knock back down. I must say that I am starting to believe in myself more than I have been the last few months. It just seems as if everyday something else happen. Take yesterday for instance, my aunt told me that her dad died yesterday, who is also my granddad. I only met him once, about a two years ago. My mother never talks to him, but my aunt was very close to him. It was just weird thing to experience. I am still searching for what I need to do to be better than I was yesterday. I am just not sure if I can do it.

Something else has happen since the last time I posted. I told you that I was writing my first screenplay, well I still have not finish, I still have not written anything, but I did actually did an outline for it. I think that is a step in the right directions. The goal is still to be finish by the end of the year. Stay safe.