The shock of going to the woods alone never scared me.
To wonder the world without heartbreak gave me chills.
Now it is the only thing that lets me survive.
I stop looking for love when it came to me.
I thought it was all I needed to live.
Then it became all that I never wanted.
I chase a dream to only realize it was a nightmare.
This time it could not be cured by waking up.
I stop chasing that dream, and everything I wanted came alive.
Have you even seen the sun grow?
Have you even seen the moon go back into it shadow?
Have you ever wondered why I do not sleep?
The thought of waking up and not seeing you gave me chills worse than any nightmares.
It is hard to know what it would feel like to not have love.
Would I be, okay?
Would I just sink like quicksand?
You laugh and I try not to cry.
The truth is you do not care.
You do not love like me so how would you know.
Do you try to, no but I do?
I shed tears like the largest rainfall.
I bleed just to call your name.
Have you cared for the things I do?
Have you ever just thought of me?
I can say that I never did.
Flowers hang on my window looking like you.
They once were bright and full of light.
Now they are slowly drifting away.
I tried to save them, but the pain they were delt was more than I was willing to bare.
This hurts you just as much as it hurts me.
I tried to push through, but what was the point of baring the fruit.
I looked for answers, but each day another part of the flower would slip away.
Then one day it was nothing left for me to do.
I held on hoping that one day they might come back to me.
I did all I could, but still it was not enough.
Then I realize that I was trying to hold onto you.
The you I once knew.
The you I love and loved me.
I had to let you go, but I cannot.
That is why I still look at window and I see the flowers you gave. I might just have to take them to the grave.
I look in the mirror and try to find out what do I see.
I do not know what it is, but it is not me.
The hurt in my eyes never left my soul.
Is this real I ask again?
The question is written on my soul, but the answer is nowhere to be found.
I tried to push through, but it only cuts even more deep.
I cannot see where to begin to heal, but I see how the soul ends.
The path to being me is one that is free from money, but it cost with the pain of me.
I try to push through, but each day the mirror just keeps breaking.
Maybe tomorrow it will just shatter and then we will see who is looking back at me.
A podcast that I am listening to lately is an oldie but goodie, at least I think it is. The Daily from The New York Times has some great stories I found out. This podcast has been a bright light for me the last couple of days. There has been so much going on, that this has been a welcome distraction. Listening to these stories has showed me a new light. I have only listened to a hand full of episodes so I cannot say much about it. More to come and I believe that it will be worth the download.