Poem: Perspective

Another day in which I look to you

Not for advice ,

Not for love,

But for perspective

To grow, to love, and to be happy

Then I look at me,

All I see is

The Pain, the sorrow, and the sadness

I do not have the blues,

I have the uncertain of today

And the worries of tomorrow.

Then when I look back at you

I see the joy for today

And the hope for tomorrow

Two people in same world

Looking at life with two different perspective

Chasing the dream , the hope, the joy, and the worry of tomorrow.

I tried, but

Yesterday I was going to try to be happy, but then today came, and that went out the window. I honestly do not know why I am feeling like this. If I am being honest I know what exactly is going on, and I am just too afraid to answer it. I knew I had to be somewhere today, and I spent most of my morning planning for it. Knowing that my whole mood changed. One thing I do know is, that I need to work on me, if you can understand that.

The one thing I have learn since this whole quarantine situation ( even though I have not done it), is that you have to take care of yourself. Now that I am left along with my thoughts more than normally, a lot of things have come to light and have made me question every decision that I, or someone I know have made. The one thing that became clear to me is that I am not living life. I am something that is just here, That is terrifying to think about, yet I am still not doing anything to make it better. The more I am alone with these thoughts make me questions everything. I know what I need to do, but the question is will I do it.

This is just a peak into what I have been dealing with the last few months. Everyone be safe and take care of yourselves.

Fun and done

What is it like to have fun? I honestly do not know if I must say so. The last time that I actually had fun would have to be almost three years ago. This is year has been really hard in more ways than one, and everyday it seems to get harder. There seems as if the end is no where in site. I just want to have a day where I am just chilling with my family like we used to, but I learned that it will never happen like that again.

When I go home it just does not feel the same. The vibe is just completely different. Nothing feels the same. It starts with people, then the environment. There is always places that I used to go to that I cannot go to anymore, for either it is not there, or the person is dead. I just wish everything can go back to normal. The one thing I learn about life is nothing will ever be normal as we get older that is apart of life. That is the sacrifice we all have to learn to make.

Another thing tennis is back!!!!! I cannot wait.

Poem: Heart

This is something that I never could imagine

A sense that I never knew I had.

An emotion that I never knew how to show.

I will never forget that day

When it all came to me as once,

But I am always trying to forget the day

It all came down like the Niagara Falls.

It went just as soon as it came.

It was all my fault, yet I almost blame you.

Was it something that I said,

Or was it my actions towards the unknown.

All I can say is that I was wrong.

You held me when I was down, even though you were down.

I was evil,

Yet you were kind.

I was need,

And you gave me your heart.

One day I hope to right this wrong,

And have you back in our home.

Deep down I know it cannot be.

There was an angel needed, and you were the one to answer that call.

Now I just wait and prey, hoping that feel me giving my heart to you.

Free to be

How do you know when you are ready? Ready to move, to go, to travel, to love, or even to live. Its not something that comes to you automatically. It is something that you have to constantly work on and way the decisions whether they are good or bad. At least, that is what I do. I am trying to figure out way to make things easier to decided. It always seems as if I take the long way around. Now that is August I feel a little more anxious than normal. I do not know what it is, but I am feeling as if something is not right. This happens all the time to me, but this time is different.

I am also writing more my topics are not always good, but I am trying that is at least a start. I don’t really have much to say so this is just something simple. Topics are not easy.