New Reading

I have started reading a new book. Transfer of Power, by Vince Flynn. I have never read anything by him before so let’s hope this is good. Book review soon.

Poem: Home

This place is not what it was.

It had everything that dreams made.

The love that walks down the street lives in the valley of hope.

This lives in your soul and gives you all that life has.

Then you leave and things start to change.

Nothing is the same, yet it feels right.

This is where you were made.

This is where your love was given time to grow.

The people were there to hold your hand.

Now you must go.

The one thing that hold you down is knowing that this will always be home.

The Day

This day 20 years ago I was in the 5th grade sitting in Mrs. Davis class, and everything was normal. Then I remember hearing rumbles from the teachers talking about something had happen. Being a kid, I did not exactly know what they were talking about. I remember we went home I think early that day, and I used to go over my grandmother’s house after school because my mom worked the night shift. I just remember sitting on the couch, watching the tv and seeing the two towers on fire, and one falling. I was still not sure what I was seeing.

I did not know what was going on, I just know that me and my cousins were sent off to go play as the adults watch the news. There are a couple of days that I will never forget, and this is one of them. The one thing that I do remember the most is from my mother’s mother side of the family talking about this being the end of days. This scared the daylight out of me. I did not understand what they were saying, all I knew was them talking about how the world was about to end and that we all need to start praying. I think that was the moment that I started to dig deep into my faith.

This was a tragic day, and it one that we will never forget.

Poem: Dark Again

There you are I have not seen you in a while.

How is the light treating you?

Is it everything you wanted, is it showing you your dream?

Do not let me get in your way, this is what you have always wanted.

You have always wanted the love that was around, but you never found.

The things that seemed so wrong have always made you feel right.

Then what happen you lost it all.

 You realize the hopes are for the ones that likes to dream.

That was never you and now you are back with me.

We meet again this time it is not for fun.

This time it will last.

Forever is a while.

The pain is here is stay, and this time you will pay.

So, darkness are you there?

I tried, but

Yesterday I was going to try to be happy, but then today came, and that went out the window. I honestly do not know why I am feeling like this. If I am being honest I know what exactly is going on, and I am just too afraid to answer it. I knew I had to be somewhere today, and I spent most of my morning planning for it. Knowing that my whole mood changed. One thing I do know is, that I need to work on me, if you can understand that.

The one thing I have learn since this whole quarantine situation ( even though I have not done it), is that you have to take care of yourself. Now that I am left along with my thoughts more than normally, a lot of things have come to light and have made me question every decision that I, or someone I know have made. The one thing that became clear to me is that I am not living life. I am something that is just here, That is terrifying to think about, yet I am still not doing anything to make it better. The more I am alone with these thoughts make me questions everything. I know what I need to do, but the question is will I do it.

This is just a peak into what I have been dealing with the last few months. Everyone be safe and take care of yourselves.