This year is almost over and it has been one hell of a year if I must say so myself. I have done a lot and I must say that I have learn a lot about myself, some good and some bad. The one thing that stands out to me is how selfish and ungrateful I have been to the people in my life especially my mom. I have never been the best person that I can be, but with everything happening in the world and learning and experiencing that life can be over with an instance. There have been time that I have been thinking about and I am completely ashamed of the way that I acted. I think that as I am getting closer and closer to my 30’s everything is becoming more clearer to me than ever before.
This year has been the year of uncertain and also the year that you had time to sit and think about your life, well that what it has been for me at least. There have been things that has happen all over the course of my life that I feel ashamed about the way I acted with everyone that I have now. I cannot change the pass, but I can learn from it. That is what I plan on doing going forward. I know the kind of person that I was and that is not the person that I want to be ever again.
If there is one thing we all can take from 2020 is that you have to look at yourself and either be grateful for it, and if you don’t you might lose it. Life is too precious to be selfish. There are millions of people who will and have literally died to have the life that you got, and you treat it like crap. We all have to be able to look at things from everyone that just the one looking back at you. A positive note this year I was finally able to do something that I have always wanted to do, was it perfect but I went for it and I am incredibly grateful. The best thing I can say right now it to just be grateful. This is not promise.
This week has been a very eye opening week for me. I recently went to see some members of my family for the first time in over a year. I talk to them all the time, but I forgot that they are living a life also. I have been so consume about what I had going on, that I forgot about them. I used to hang around these people all the time, then I moved away and forgot about them. I did not really forget about them, I just forgot that life still goes on weather you are there or not. It is not all about me, and that some people are doing the best they can and trying to hide you from the pain because you only seem to care about yourself. I must say there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first, but you must not forgot about the people that made you who you are. I have to learn to be more gracious and open and not so close off. You never know what another person is going through. Your problems are not the only problems out there.
I know I have not posted anything in a while. That is because I have been busy writing. At the very beginning of the year, I had a goal of trying to post something everyday, but soon I realize that would be a challenge, and I was up for it. Then covid happen and to be honest life took over. I was not ready for what I was about to be dealt. When everything pretty much shut down, I must admit I did not know what to do I was lost, after a couple of weeks I took advantage of the situation and got back to reading books. I read two or three books doing that time, and they both inspired me to get more creative with my writing again so I did.
Jump to a few weeks into this lockdown I gave myself a goal to have my first screenplay written by the end of the year. I am almost done, thought it might not be good, I am happy to say that I did it, or rather I am doing it. That just goes to show that if you want something bad enough you will get tired of waiting on it to happen, you have to go out and get it. You may fall down a couple times, but you must keep trying until you reach that goal. This lockdown has not been good to me on a mental side, but it showed me ways to cope and how to deal with things that I was afraid of dealing with.
When it comes to my wealth, it has not been great, but the battle is not over and I know I can win, when it comes to my dream that is battle that I am refusing to lose and I am in it for the long haul. If there is anything I can say to people is make sure you are making the right decisions for you, so that tomorrow is better.
These last two weeks have really tested my patience. There has been a lot of ups and downs and downs that I really was not prepared for. I thought that this week was going to be different, but as of today it has already started off pretty bad. I have no one to blame , but myself for this mess that I created.
I just do not understand what is going on lately, everything seems to be going good, then out the blue it is as if I just ran into a brick wall. Something I have been thinking for a while is that life is not meant to be easy. If it was easy it would not be worth living. I have come to point in my life, where I just have to learn to roll with the punches. This year has been rough for a lot of people me included, but that does not mean that you have to let it be that way.
They say with age comes wisdom, and honestly I believe that. I am no way saying that I am the smartest person in the room, but I am getting more knowledgeable everyday. I think it is time to learn to think everything out and push through. Tomorrow is only a day away.
A song I have been listening to get through this week,