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Today I will not be sad.
I chose not to be the darkness friend.
The thirst for it no longer exists,
At least not yet.
I woke up and I saw the light.
It was not the one I used to want to see,
It was the one that I needed to see.
It was the one that my heart had to feel.
The one my soul has yarn for,
But I was too afraid to let it in.
The dark has always been my friend.
Seeing light was something new.
I usually always choose the worst.
Today I have decided to choose what is best.
I could be wrong, and it could be gone with the morning sun.
But today and hopefully the next,
I will only see the light.
At least I hope.
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Time is money ,and money is time. I have been thinking about something these last couple of weeks. I was wondering what is more important to me, making sure that I am secure, but doing something that I do not like, or struggling for a bit until I am able to do what I love and learning to make it. I do not have the answer yet, but I am leaning towards one way that I think is the best decision for me.
It has been almost a year since I made one of the biggest decisions of my life, but that change within the hour basically because of what is going on with the world. I was so sure and happy that I was about to do something that would change my life, but I had to do something that was secure and guaranteed that I would be okay at least for a while. I think about what could of happen, but I think I am starting to realize that it was for the best.
This week I am really thinking about doing something that I probably should not do, and all my friends and family would say is a crazy decision, but I think I would be okay with that. You only get to live this day once, and tomorrow is not promise to you as we have learn this last year. You have to step out and fall and fall again, you will get back up it might take a while and it might be hard, but you can at least say that you tried it. You get to a point where you get tired of doing and all you want to do is live.
So I know it has been awhile since I been on here, but I have been doing a lot of thinking, and trying to figure everything out. To be honest I am more confuse then ever. I know everything that I want, but every time that I think that I am close I get knock back down. I must say that I am starting to believe in myself more than I have been the last few months. It just seems as if everyday something else happen. Take yesterday for instance, my aunt told me that her dad died yesterday, who is also my granddad. I only met him once, about a two years ago. My mother never talks to him, but my aunt was very close to him. It was just weird thing to experience. I am still searching for what I need to do to be better than I was yesterday. I am just not sure if I can do it.
Something else has happen since the last time I posted. I told you that I was writing my first screenplay, well I still have not finish, I still have not written anything, but I did actually did an outline for it. I think that is a step in the right directions. The goal is still to be finish by the end of the year. Stay safe.