Another week and more thinking that I have been doing, or at least trying to do. There is so much going on and nothing going on at the same time, that I do not know what is going on sometimes. I have no room to complain. Has anyone made decision and thought about was it the right one? That is what I am going through right now. I must make a choice and I think I made one, but I am not sure it is correct.
The choice I made is something I do not want to make, but it is one that is needed now. I do not think that I am ready for what is about to happen, and I am scared to find out the outcome. I like to play it safe, but I know I must make a tough choice if I want to succeed in life. Only time will tell, I guess.
I have been working on something the last couple of months that I am very excited to share. I cannot say anything yet, but this is something I have wanted for a long time.
This week I have done some thinking about my life now, and what is next for me. I do not have the answer and I do not know when that will come or if it will come. I have a lot of self-doubt about myself and if I have the strength to get it done anything really. Most important do I have the mental strength to fight to be happy. Do not get me wrong I am mentally strong, but sometimes it gets hard to just hang you head out there to dry, and to fail.
Something about me people do not know is that I am not good with confrontation and criticism. Failure is a way for you to learn, and you can only grow from what you do not know.
I appreciate the criticism, but it gets hard to hear how bad you are at something. You can think that you are doing good then, that one person says something to you and that is all you can think about.
That is just something that I need to work on, I try to, but it is hard. That is just a part of life, I guess. Another thing I forgot to say is that I am not writing as much as I did last year. This year I feel as if something is missing, and I just do not know what that is. I have the ideas, but I just cannot seem to find the words. I think I need a writing partner, but I do not know.
A lot of things are happening, and I do not know how to feel. It is almost everything that I wanted, but I am still not sure how to feel about that. My life is changing, and change is good, but how much change is good? I do not know what I am doing, or am I doing the right thing with my life. I just know that I had to leave one situation and go to something better. I had to leave people that I cared about; the thing that once made me happy.
The question that keeps coming up in my mind is did I need to do it? Did I do something that I should not have done? These questions do not have answers, at least none that I can see.
My life is a crazy one. It is one that I am thankful for, but I feel like there is so much more that I need to be doing, and I do not know what that is. You must be willing to fail in order to succeed, but to what end. That is something that only can you say, and it is not easy to say. That is the beautiful thing about life, each day you get to wake up you get to decide how you want it to go. My goal for this year was to be happy. I do not know how that is going to be, but I hope it will be great.
I should have some news very soon about something that I have been terrified to do for the longest, but with a little encouraging from some people it might be coming true. I just pray for better days.
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Also my podcast misconception.
Sometimes you have to walk by faith, and not by site. That is scary, but sometimes it is necessary. The end no one knows, but we will see.