Living

Where to begin, I do not know there is so much for me to say, but honestly, I do not what to say or can I say it. This first sentence has taken be at least an hour to write. Things have been kind of crazy these last couple of weeks, and to be honest I am still trying to process them.

Things have been going good for certain things, but there have been lots of ups and down. There are times in which I just do not know what to think. One thing I can say is that I barely have written anything in months I just cannot do it. I come up with all these ideas, but just cannot seem to put them down. My head is saying one thing, but my body is doing something completely different.

There are somethings that I want to write, even told some people that it would be ready by the end of the year, but the truth is I have not written a single thing. I take that back, I have written the open sentence to a couple of things, but that is as far as I can go. The project I am talking about is a book. I told a couple people about it, and now they are all waiting for it, but I have nothing.

I did learn something with doing all this. That is, I do not want to write a book, I have the ideas, but I much more prefer to write a play or a movie. I can write those, and I can see the story that I want to tell. With a book I have no clue about doing it or where to start. I said the same thing last year, and I did write a movie.

This is the fun stuff that I am dealing with now. The life stuff that is something that is hard to even start to talk about. I can say this life is short and it can all be gone by the time night fall. There is no time to wait so you must go for it. The worst thing you can do is fall, but you get back up and start again.

Poem: Terrified

I can see the stars, but they are not shinning.

Everything around me is going great, but I am not.

I am numb to the situation, expecting things to fail so I stop.

I do not let the happiness within come to life.

My joy can never be seen.

I work everyday and night just to make sure I feel alright.

There is not guarantee that this is real.

It could all be over with a blink.

Why am I so used to the hurt that joy also brings me pain?

Can I be healed?

That is why I do not give it my all.

I am terrified that the person looking in the mirror is doing okay.

I am terrified that the person is going to make it.

I am terrified to realize that person is me.

I guess I am just terrified.