Working

This week I have done some thinking about my life now, and what is next for me. I do not have the answer and I do not know when that will come or if it will come. I have a lot of self-doubt about myself and if I have the strength to get it done anything really. Most important do I have the mental strength to fight to be happy. Do not get me wrong I am mentally strong, but sometimes it gets hard to just hang you head out there to dry, and to fail.

Something about me people do not know is that I am not good with confrontation and criticism. Failure is a way for you to learn, and you can only grow from what you do not know.

I appreciate the criticism, but it gets hard to hear how bad you are at something. You can think that you are doing good then, that one person says something to you and that is all you can think about.  

That is just something that I need to work on, I try to, but it is hard. That is just a part of life, I guess. Another thing I forgot to say is that I am not writing as much as I did last year. This year I feel as if something is missing, and I just do not know what that is. I have the ideas, but I just cannot seem to find the words. I think I need a writing partner, but I do not know.

Poem: Forgive

The sun is out today.

The sun was out yesterday but was not as bright.

I hope it comes out tomorrow, so maybe I can see it.

I remember the last time you saw the sun.

It was only for a second, but it seemed as if it lasted for hours.

I remember the tears, that ran down your face.

The hurt I caused that made you that way.

I never said I was sorry.

I just let the pain sit on the depths of your heart.

Instead of trying to heal it, I only stirred the pot.

Do I feel sorry, yes, will I apologize no.

I know I should, but my heart is hurt too.

My pain is ignored because yours is worst.

Pain is pain and neither one of us did the right thing.

We both had the knife, and the only difference is you stuck first.

I just went a little deeper.

That is what made us.

This is also what broke us.

Maybe tomorrow I will feel different, but now I just cannot say I am sorry.