Number on a number line

Well today is a day that never ever seen myself making it to. Not that I thought that this day would come, I just could never image that I would be 30. It is kind of still hard to say to be honest, but as today goes on all I have been thinking about, is where am I in my life, and do I feel content. The answer to second part is still up for debate, but the answer to the first questions is one that I know the answer to, but I am still afraid to admit to myself what it is. I never would say my age, I would always say that I am a number on a number line, and that’s it.

I have always thought that when or if I reach this age that my life would be different. Granted it is different from where I was say 15 years ago, but a lot of this has stayed the same. It was not until last year that I started believing in myself more that I can do whatever I want. I have always know that it could happen, but I just could not see it coming true. A thing about birthdays that I do not like to admit is that I am scared of them. As long as I can remember, something bad has happen on or around this time. It has always involved death. It could be someone has died on that day or around that day, or someone funeral is that or finding out that someone you love is sick and dying. I can honestly say that all this has happen to me on more than one occasion. I will not sit worried about that anymore.

This year I looking at this day with new light, though I am still not fully ready to actually celebrate a birthday, I am learning to appreciate everyone that I will get. This year I am choosing to walk in a new light and think about everything that I have. I know a lot of people that would have given anything to make it to my age, but for some reason they did not. With everything that happen last year you know that tomorrow is not promise and you have to live life.

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