What’s next

This week has been one for the books, every time I thought that I was getting somewhere I am knock back down. This time it is taking me a, little longer to get back up. I am getting to a point in life that I do not know if I will ever get better. I am trying my hardest, but it never seems to work out for me. I keep asking myself what I am doing wrong, why is this always happening to me. The question I never used to have was am I good enough, now I am asking myself that, and to be honest I am starting to think that I am not. There is only so much rejection a person can take until they fully given up. I am trying not to get there, but I am getting closer and closer to that. It seems the more things appear to be going in one.

There is apart of me that feels like that I should feel bad for myself, but I cannot help that. It is hard to turn the other cheek and get back up again. There is only so much one person can take. Tomorrow might be better, but Today I just want it to be over.

I must say I just need to get some things off my chest. A lot has been going on, and I am just frustrated right now.

Believing in me

A thing that I have found hard to do lately is believing in me, and it seems strange to say, but it is something that I have been struggling with. I had something come up recently, and like always I talked myself out of it simply because I did not think I wanted it, and it did not think it was something that I needed. Though I am not happy with my current situation, I am not trying hard enough to fix it. I can say that I am, but my actions are saying another. I need to learn how to fix that.

What I am trying to say with all this is that you have to believe in yourself, if you do not you can not expect someone else to. If you want something bad enough you will do whatever you want to change it no matter the situation. I am working on this, and it is hard. I want better for myself, and I need to start with my actions. Believe in yourself because in the end, sometimes that’s all you got.

This is just my thoughts I am a work in process that is constantly trying to be fix.

Poem: Yes

Whatever you ask I always say yes,

Do I mean to say yes no?

Yet all I can say is yes.

It hurts my pride to let you down.

Though it hurts me worse to tell you yes,

I suck up the tears and move alone.

I never ask for thanks,

Though they are rarely given

When it comes to you, I will  always say yes.

It exposed me to your wealth,

It also brought me exposure to your wreath.

Does it cause me fear yes?

But when it comes to you, I will always say yes.

One day you will notice that I have always been there for you,

I never wanted to let you down.

It hurts so bad that I you can not see me for what I am,

You only see me for what I do.

Until that day comes,

Where I am not just a yes man

You will see me for what I am.

The person who has only tried to give you all

That is why I will always say yes.

Not sure

Lately I have been wondering what is going on with me, and how can I fix it. The thing is I do not know what is going on with me, and I don’t know why I am always harsh on myself for simply not understanding what is wrong. I feel as if there is so much that I should be doing now, but I do not know what that that is. I feel like I have said that before, but I still do not have an answer for it.

This is a common thing that we all do to ourselves especially in times like these, but the thing is that is okay that you do not know what you should be doing right now. I am a work in progress, and I will always be a work in progress, and that is just the way it will always go. I am my own worst critic, and that is because I know what I can do, but sometimes I don not feel as if I got the strength to do it, but I do.

Poem: Done

How do you know when you are done?

Is it when the job is done?

Or when your heart ache so bad that it simply no longer hurts.

That is something that is hard to tell

There is nothing more to say

Yet you never know how to stop

You move so fast that you never see the light

Home is never a place to rest

It becomes a place of unease nonsense

Then you realize that the work is not done

So, you ask yourself again when you are done

The answer is not an answer that you want

It becomes the one that you accept

Then when you have given it your all

You will begin again

Then you done

Are you