To be finish

Okay so what a day it has been. I have been doing some thinking lately, and I have been thinking what I have actually done in my life that makes me feel good. I must admit that I could not say anything that would make anybody notice me. It has all been just regular. This post is about what I have learn over the years.

A question that I have been asking myself is how long are parents supposed to support there kids? There are some parents that supports there kids for most of their adult lives. I kinda know where I stand, and I kinda don’t. This is a touchy subjects because not every person can support themselves without the help of their parents.

I don’t know.

Short Story: Here and Not

 

My family had owned a lot of things of things I remember as a child. I remember my granddad always being gone, and I remember my grandma always when anybody asked about where granddad was, she would say “he is gone to make sure we have more chickens then hens.” I still do not though what that means till this day. I just remember him being gone, and my mom would be gone with him sometimes, because my uncle never liked going. At lease that is what we were told when we were little. That is only half what I found out that my family has been hiding from us. The people who you are the closes too, can sometimes be the ones that hurt you the most, or they can do some worse than hurting you.

Five town, Alabama the town that the Millers built, or the town that they destroyed is what some people would say about. My grandfather Brody Miller was a charismatic man who had dreams of being lake his father, but better and more successful. That he was; he was just like his father the good and bad. My grandfather was the man I thought that I wanted to be when I grew up, nut then I learn who he was not who I though he was. He wasn’t the handsomest man, butt the way he carried himself people loved and feared him. He was married to my granny Mary Mae for over 50 years, and as it turns out that was not the only thing that was impressive about him.

My grandma Mimi as we called her is the sweetest lady that has graced this world in my humble opinion. I cannot think of a time in which she has not asked or wanted for anything except for use to be right with God. That was always one of the downfalls about her in my opinion is that she cared too much about what the Bible said, instead about what her heart or soul need. My grandfather had put her through some of the worst things that a person could go through, but you never seen her down and out about. She was strong, yet selfless to herself with all aspects of her life. That was up until a few months ago when she had to let it go.

I’m Andy, I recently started my junior year at the University of Sandy Alabama. USA as we like to call it.  Late last year I finally decided on a major Political Science and Criminal Justice. I have always had a thing about digging up the truth about something that I maybe should not be involved with. I always knew that my family was hiding something, but I never knew what it was until this summer break when I decided to dig and find out what it was. I’m not how can you say well liked person in my family, but out of all my cousins I can say that I am the only one that is doing something with his life. If you looked at my appearance you could not tell. My hair is never brush or comb for the fact that I don’t care. I am always in sweats to the point that is the only thing people think that I owns.

A few months back schools were about to eb done for the summer, and I was debating back and forth with myself weather I should go to summer school so that I can finish sooner, but then I got a call from my Mother. “Hey, are you going to school this summer,” I don’t know year, why you ask?” I asked her. “Well we think your granddad is going to pass soon. He is not doing so good.”

That was pretty much her way of telling me that I need to come home. My mother was not the kind of person to tell you what to do. She would only hint at and you are supposed to get and do it. If you don’t, she still wants to say but you can feel it all over in the way she speaks to you in the condensing tone. I never liked really going home that much it I was never for me there. I grew up in Five points a medium size town in Alabama, that was not too big, and not too small just right enough. The town always had the air of the hopeless, but god loving bliss. It was something that I was not too find of. It was something about that made feel like that it was a town that got you to something, not to stay in.

After receiving the phone call, I knew what I needed to do. I had to come home. As I drove the nearly 4-hour drive home, which consist of no major cities, but the land of  the old getting gutted down for economic gain, but not the prospect of the land.

So….

 

Hello hello hello.

I do not know where to begin, but let’s go. The first thing is why I am doing this the truth is I do not know to be honest, but I think I just need to. There has been a lot of things happen to me since they last time I did a blog or wrote about anything. There were some good things and if you ask me a lot more bad things happen.

If you know me then you know that I am a pessimist, I don’t know why but I just am. I always think that something bad is going to happen to me or to someone around me. I guess it could be that I am so use to everything going wrong around me that I am just use to it by now. I know I should not think like that, but I can not help to. Back to subject at hand.

The last time I was actively writing almost everyday was when I was in school. I have since graduated, and that it when everything went down hill from there in my opinion. Some people might say I good thing happen to me, but I think I may have made a decision that I did not know what was coming to me. I cannot say exactly what happen, but It is part of the reason why I feel stuck. If it was one thing that I would do over, I hate to say it, but it would be that decision.

Since then I have learn over that I should have followed my first mind, and not let others opinions direct me to where I want to go or should go. I did become a better person since that time, but I am not the person I thought that I would be. I have always been afraid to step outside the box. That is why I decided to do this challenge. The reason i am doing this is because lately I would say in the last few months I have been feeling lost. I don’t know why, but I kinda do if you can understand that. Life is crazy is the best way to say it. One day everything is going fine, and with the blink of an eye everything is wrong.

I turn 30 next year, and I made myself a vow that i will now be the situation or mindset that I am in. I promise myself that I will not go back down the rabbit hole again. The last time it was not good (that is a story for another day,) it was life changing.

Hopefully by me doing this I can find out my purpose in this world, to be honest I don;t think I will but I am hoping I will.

The Challenge: accept or decline

Well this is about to be interesting. This has been a long time coming I just never knew how to start it or can I do it. I have given my self a goal that for the next 30 days I will write at least one blog post, or two but at least one. The subject of the post could be about anything I just have to make sure that I write something. I am not going to lie these are not going to be 100% perfect, but they will be my words. Yes, I know I have a English degree, and my writing should be perfect, but that is not always the case, by me doing this, I hope this help my writing. To be quite honest I just don’t know.

The reason I am doing this is because I need a challenge, I need to feel to know that i am not useless. A couple of years ago I used to have a passion for writing, and I knew what I wanted out of life, but lately I have been feeling complacence. I feel comfortable which is a dangerous place to be. I think the scariest thing in the world is to feel comfortable.

Another reason for this is I feel stuck. When I say stuck I mean I feel like there is no room for me to grow everyday is the same to me, and if I must say is not a good feeling. I am starting to think that I have no more room to grow. I must say these will not just be about me, that is something nobody wants to read about. Some of these post will story ideas I have or thought out of the years.

Will I actually finish this or even start it to be honest I have no idea.